Post by SMASH on Dec 4, 2007 19:59:58 GMT -5
Well, here I sit alone in a cold library pouring over books and formulas and all the standard bullshit that comes along with picking a major like advertising. God, I really do despise it. But, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. That is what my time with the one and only rayperez has taught me. There is always something good to take from everything you do in life (or don't do, for that matter). I can't even begin to name off all the lessons like this one that ray taught me, but I can say that the time I spent with him was the happiest and most enlightening time that I have spent on this planet. When the world is cold and people are disappointing, there he is to let you know that the world is beautiful and people are good. When the darkness is coming, there he is shining a light. When the rain starts coming down, he is rushing you in from the storm.
Sometimes, I wonder what he ever saw in me. I was just floundering along not really having any kind of purpose on this earth, and I looked into his eyes and knew where I belonged. I knew that I had to be close to this man and I would have done anything for him. Still will. He is my rock and my strength. He will always be number one. The thought of not spending the rest of my life waking up next to him every morning makes me ill. Why then, you might ask, is our time coming to an end? Well those are reasons I have yet to figure out. Those are things that i will never understand. I don't know why I want the things that I do, but I do. I don't know why we are flying in two totally opposite directions, but we are, and the sky is a big place. I don't know why I can't tell him that I want him forever and ever despite all that's been said, but it is too late now. I have made my choice. I can't make decisions for three. I have to be selfish and leave him behind. Believe me, if I could take him with me, I would.
The things that give me solace are the memories of all the most amazing times we have spent laughing, loving, and sharing. I have never been so close to another human being before and I know it' s because of him that I will have a beautiful life. I really do hope that one day, we will meet again and live out our (well, actually my) dream of living on a beach together and hanging out all day naked and sunkissed. I hope one day I can be the person that I promised him I would be. I hope that I can live up to what he thinks I am. If I can do that, my life will be complete, whether it is with him or without him. So, if you're listening, I love you with every ounce of my soul. You will be the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep. All the time in between will be spent making you proud of me. That's what I want. For you to be proud of me and watch the things that you taught me become realized.
Thank you for all that you have done for me and if you love me half as much as I love you, my life is perfect.
Sometimes, I wonder what he ever saw in me. I was just floundering along not really having any kind of purpose on this earth, and I looked into his eyes and knew where I belonged. I knew that I had to be close to this man and I would have done anything for him. Still will. He is my rock and my strength. He will always be number one. The thought of not spending the rest of my life waking up next to him every morning makes me ill. Why then, you might ask, is our time coming to an end? Well those are reasons I have yet to figure out. Those are things that i will never understand. I don't know why I want the things that I do, but I do. I don't know why we are flying in two totally opposite directions, but we are, and the sky is a big place. I don't know why I can't tell him that I want him forever and ever despite all that's been said, but it is too late now. I have made my choice. I can't make decisions for three. I have to be selfish and leave him behind. Believe me, if I could take him with me, I would.
The things that give me solace are the memories of all the most amazing times we have spent laughing, loving, and sharing. I have never been so close to another human being before and I know it' s because of him that I will have a beautiful life. I really do hope that one day, we will meet again and live out our (well, actually my) dream of living on a beach together and hanging out all day naked and sunkissed. I hope one day I can be the person that I promised him I would be. I hope that I can live up to what he thinks I am. If I can do that, my life will be complete, whether it is with him or without him. So, if you're listening, I love you with every ounce of my soul. You will be the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep. All the time in between will be spent making you proud of me. That's what I want. For you to be proud of me and watch the things that you taught me become realized.
Thank you for all that you have done for me and if you love me half as much as I love you, my life is perfect.